“Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil” (Proverbs 4:26-27).
How Kids Think
Kids complain, “My parents won’t let me do anything!“ As children grow older, they want fewer restrictions and more freedom. Kids cannot understand why parents don’t trust their judgment. They view parental boundaries as roadblocks to their independence.
How God Thinks
Boundaries provide both security and freedom. At birth, children are entirely dependent upon their parents. As kids grow, they begin testing their will and pushing to see where the boundaries are. God directs parents to provide boundaries and teach children to respect and value limits. Christian parents are to wean their children from dependence upon themselves to dependence upon the Lord in order to make good choices. As a good Father, God lovingly provides limits for His children. He wants children to depend on Him and to learn that godly attitudes and behaviors will bring blessing to their lives (Hebrews 12:5-11). God gives people limits and discipline so that He can bring a harvest of righteousness.
The View from the Air
A patrol ship approached an island to perform an exploratory mission. Its captain chose a beach and headed towards land. A jet plane accompanying the ship could not only see the island, but also the ocean surrounding it. Unbeknownst to the captain, an enemy vessel was approaching around the bay. The fighter pilot quickly contacted the ship and directed the captain to immediately change course to the southern half of the island. Details would follow, but for now a quick response was paramount. The captain adjusted his course and approached the island from another route—saving his crew from a life-threatening skirmish.
God’s superior point-of-view often parallels the interaction between the fighter pilot and the ship captain. Without knowing the full details of “why,” the Lord sometimes asks us to change course or to give up certain things. God sees from a wider perspective. He knows what we really need in order to live holy, meaningful lives. When we trust the all-knowing, generous, and wise God, we respond with glad obedience—whether or not we know the full reason.
What You Can Do
- Establish clearly defined boundaries with your children. Explain that limits are like “fences” that keep good things in and bad things out. Inside the fence, kids enjoy freedom to roam within a safe environment. Outside, dangerous influences lie in wait.
- Explain expectations early and often (Ephesians 6:4). Teaching about boundaries takes consistent, clear communication. Reviewing expectations will help your child internalize exactly where the boundaries are and why they are there.
- Be consistent (Psalm 15:1-5). Once you set the standard, stick to the established behavior expectations. Holding a consistent line will offset attempts at manipulation when your child does not like “no.”
- Help your child navigate his/her emotions (Proverbs 21:2). Tantrums can stem from a child’s inability to verbally express emotions, or an effort to change your mind. Show your child healthy ways to express emotions and wants. Use his/her inappropriate emotional responses as teachable moments.
- Welcome “why” questions (Proverbs 2:1-6). When your child asks questions out of curiosity and not defiance, he/she will benefit from knowing why each boundary is important. This will help him/her make moral decisions in the future.
- Use definitive language (Proverbs 1:8-9). Parents often make “suggestions” or “requests” for directives that are not intended to be optional. Clear language helps avoid confusion for your child. Use “requests” for responses that are optional. Use clear directions when you expect an obedient response.
